So, firstly, thank you to Nicola for inviting me to do this, I’m so excited to be a part of it.
Nicola has asked me to share a little bit of my story and how I got to where I am today. Not that I am anything particularly special haha but I am proud of where I am when I look back to where I was.
Part of the past
Of course we all have a story and we all have a past that starts from the time we were born, but when I think of where ‘my story’ started, I think back to losing my mum. I had always been an anxious kid growing up. Our family is a big family but on the whole, I grew up with it being just me and my mummy. No siblings (although lots of cousins lol one I am particularly close to), no father and so me and my mum were a team, despite the rough patches through my teens haha! As a family, we had a lot of loss from when I was young. My grandfather Alex, my uncle, my greatnan who had lived with mum and I (to name the ones that had the biggest impact on me) and through it all my mum had tried to protect me as much as she could. To do this, she used to play down the illnesses and reasons behind them suddenly not being there anymore. For example, “Nanny Bella just has a cold and is being looked after”, to delay having to tell me that she was dying. From this protection my mum gave me, grew an even more anxious and worried adult who couldn’t bear the thought of anyone close becoming poorly – my mind automatically went from ‘oh its just a cold’ to ‘omg what if they die’ – yes…. That extreme. Sounds ridiculous but is very hard to live with and control.
Even more so, when my mum got diagnosed with Cancer and was given months to live – she lasted just 2. And then my beautiful nanny passing away suddenly whilst I was out of the country having suffered a heartattack. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.
Mums final moments
I went on a huge downhill spiral after holding my mums hand through her last breaths. I lost respect for my life, my friends, my family. Everything. Afterall, what was the point. I had watched my mum deteriorate and die in front of my eyes. What was the point in anything at all. I had split with my partner of 3 years just after mums diagnosis. As a family we had just lost mums home. I had no permanent home, no job as I had quit to be with mum for the 6 months were expecting her to last. There was nothing left for me, but I was too scared to end it myself…. So I figured I’d just wait it out.
Time for Change
But then things started to change. And thank god they did. I was given the opportunity to work in a pub where I started meeting new people. I still didn’t have the respect for life and for friends and family as I should have and I made mistakes but it was while working here I met people I will think of and thank for the rest of my life. It was here I met my Lew and things rocketed from there – I finally saw a future. I realised that if I wanted to be a step mummy, doing drugs and drinking the weekends away just wasn’t going to work. I had met someone that I wanted to do things with, make plans with and so I had to work so I could afford it. I realised from here that my mum would have sent someone like him to me because he was a challenge (putting it lightly haha) and I had to work hard to prove my loyalty and love for him in order for us to work.
People like Emma Privilege and Katie Hamer were suddenly all over my newsfeed and I was desperate to have the love for life that they did. I was hooked on their positivity and knew that no one else was capable of changing my mindset but me.
Look at me now
Fast forward a couple of years and despite the usual money worries and the anxiety still being there in parts; I am by far the happiest in my heart that I have ever ever been. I am building my Nu Skin and Glitter business from home and loving the challenges it brings me and the friends I am getting to make. I am expecting my first baby, a girl we will call Everlie Hope and I still can’t believe how lucky I am to be given the title ‘mummy’. I am doing well at work, me and Lew have a perfect balance of trust and laughs and I just adore him. But most importantly, my mindset (on most days…. I am human after all haha) is bullet proof. Although I still have my bad days… they are just that… bad days and I forgive myself for them. They are few and far between and I know each time they occur, that I can get through this one just like I got through all the rest.
I guess my point is that as soon as you forgive yourself, you’ll allow yourself to look forward. Once you start looking forward and speaking to yourself kindly, you’ll feel more positive. Once you feel more positive in yourself…. The rest will follow J Surround yourself with the people who inspire you, not those who feed the negative. Be selfish…in parts, and allow yourself to LIVE YOUR LIFE for no one else but you. Don’t use loss or your past as your excuse not to live to your potential, but instead use it as your inspiration and your reason to shine! Particularly for those who had their tomorrows taken too soon!
Enjoy your days – every one of them!
And love…. Love genuinely, with everything you have, always.