About me – Nicola Parker
So that’s me in pic, in very very good lighting and makeup. It’s what we do isn’t it portray an image of ourselves that isn’t always what or who we are. But it is what we are comfortable of others to see right?
Painting it on
But sometimes we realise we are so used to painting on a smile or pretending all is ok that it can become second nature. Then we suddenly realise, we are hidden deep inside ourselves and for most of us, especially me, we get hit in the face with the harsh reality that we are suffering from mental health issues.
But I was plodding along as we do, three kids who I adore. I had separated from their Dad after an awful 6 1/2 year relationship, but I was moving on. I was in my third year of Uni studying law. All whilst in and out of court with my ex trying to settle our split and contact arrangements, it was messy!
But I was the one always making people laugh, I was always the life and soul as they say. Vodka was my closest ally. I had lows and when I did they was always major and I had a temper on me but who doesn’t. I mean I always used self harm to cope since I could remember and if vodka numbed the pain then so what?
Then I started to feel I couldn’t control my thoughts and started to hide away. The lows got more frequent and longer lasting. I felt like I was hidden deep, deep, inside screaming to get out, screaming for help and no one could hear me. I felt alone yet was surrounded by people. To cut a story short (click here for the in-depth one). This came to a dramatic head and some life changing events. I was also now diagnosed with depression and anxiety (for now, awaiting a more in-depth diagnosis and have been for some time now, but let’s not get onto the subject of NHS funding for mental health). Life seemed over, out of my hands and somewhere I didn’t want to be, and who even was I, and why can’t I come to the surface?
Trapped, Lost & Scared
I’d been labelled, this isn’t me, mental health what! I am not mental, I am just having a difficult time? The stigma is now on me! Take it off. Dealing with the label is at first as equally as hard as dealing with the illness itself, or it was for me. Was it for you? I was having twice weekly visits to the mental health unit as an outpatient, then they were coming to my house weekly. How was I ever going to get past this? How, was I going to learn to be the new me? Was the old me dead forever, will she ever come back? Has this always been me? Why can’t I sleep? The never-ending questions didn’t seem to stop. I just wanted all the noise in my head to stop!! It was like a hundred people all trying to talk to me at once and I just couldn’t take it. So, my days where spent trapped (mentally) in my room or on the sofa (that was a good day!). Do you relate to any of this?
How am I still here?
Sometimes I am not totally sure, I have my low days, and often. But I have come so far. There will be times when I am low again, but I know now that there is another side. That even when all the balls are in the air at once, they do eventually come back down. I also know now there is a difference between being suicidal and suicidal thoughts. I know from painful experience what that difference is. But I am the latter now. Which no, isn’t easy, but for me is a huge step. I have achieved things these last few year I never thought I would. I even managed to quit excessive drinking AND totally quit smoking! What an achievement. To top it off in 2018 I co released a book that hit the top of the charts in Amazon top sellers list!! (see it here)
I found two things that to some seem small but to me are MAJOR game changers. And I use both DAILY in my quest to becoming stronger than the mind. Even more so I have now created my business to help others do the exact same and be that person I never had. Some one who gives it to you as raw and as real as it is. I have been in tears live in my Facebook group many times now. But I have also been hyper and laughing my head off. Life is all about balance after all!
Exercise! OMG really? I know, when the Dr first said to me, Nic, go take a walk it will help. I wanted to tell him to walk off a darn cliff! Haha! Me and exercise had never got along. I mean it is a chore right, that you just do when you aren’t happy with your body and you can be bothered for a week or so to try and change it? I have zero motivation to get out of bed, let alone get sweaty and there is no way on this earth you will get me in a gym! No, no, no, not happening not ever!
I am now one those fitness bunnies I used to look at in wonder and disbelief while eating my pizza (I still eat my pizza though haha). And boy when the Dr said ‘Nic trust me, exercise is the most underutilised anti-depressant’ well I can tell you hand on heart he was telling the truth! Read my blog here to find out in more detail about this…
But one part of my business is helping others like myself, realise just how imperative exercise is in the quest to becoming stronger than the mind. And I only went and qualified as a personal trainer didn’t I along the way. This was initially just for private use as I like to know everything about what I do. But now I use these skills to be the total reverse of a typical personal trainer!
,My Second Crutch
So, we can’t walk with only one crutch, right? The next major player in my quest to becoming stronger than my mind is well my mind! I know sounds easy right. Trust me, it isn’t. I myself qualified as a counsellor (feels like a life time ago now) and I know the importance of the mind and being aligned with it in a sense.
But what I have never investigated is actual mindset development. And I am going to be embarrassingly honest with you here ok? So, I am a major Peter Andre fan (I am a 90’s girl ok, he was huge in my day hehe). Anyway, I split up from my ex at the same time he left Katie Price. I watched his TV show once ‘The Next Chapter’ and he spoke to someone about the secret. I was left wondering what this secret was. I later heard a local news DJ, Mike Toolan, mention the same ‘secret’. I was like I need to know what this damn secret is my Peter and Mike Toolan talk of. I soon discovered it was a book. I bought it but never read it as it initially looked like utter nonsense to be honest with you. Then on one of those dark dark days I was willing do anything to escape my mind. So, I started to read the book! It was all about the law of attraction…(there is an entire course on what the law of attraction is and how to use it etc etc in my Membership Academy info here).
I know use both my crutches to help us all learn to become stronger than our minds…
To see how I do this, like my page, which is pictured at the bottom of this page and or join the group by clicking the button below …