So that’s me in pic, in very very good lighting and makeup. It’s what we do isn’t it portray an image of ourselves that isn’t always what or who we are. But it is what we are comfortable of others to see right?
Painting it on
But sometimes we realise we are so used to painting on a smile or pretending all is ok that it can become second nature. Then we suddenly realise, we are hidden deep inside ourselves and for most of us, especially me, we get hit in the face with the harsh reality that we are suffering from mental health issues.
I have like many of us had a difficult life, who hasn’t right?
But I was plodding along as we do, three kids who I adore. I had separated from their Dad after an awful 6 1/2 year relationship, but I was moving on. I was in my third year of Uni studying law. All whilst in and out of court with my ex trying to settle our split and contact arrangements, it was messy!
But I was the one always making people laugh, I was always the life and soul as they say. Vodka was my closest ally. I had lows and when I did they was always major and I had a temper on me but who doesn’t. I mean, I always used self harm to cope since I could remember and if vodka numbed the pain then so what?
Then I started to feel I couldn’t control my thoughts and started to hide away. The lows got more frequent and longer lasting. I felt like I was hidden deep, deep, inside screaming to get out, screaming for help and no one could hear me. I felt alone yet was surrounded by people. To cut a story short (click here for the in-depth one). This came to a dramatic head and some life changing events. I was also now diagnosed with depression and anxiety (for now, awaiting a more in-depth diagnosis and have been for some time now, but let’s not get onto the subject of NHS funding for mental health). Life seemed over, out of my hands and somewhere I didn’t want to be, and who even was I, and why can’t I come to the surface?
Trapped, Lost & Scared
I’d been labelled, this isn’t me, mental health what! I am not mental, I am just having a difficult time? The stigma is now on me! Take it off. Dealing with the label is at first as equally as hard as dealing with the illness itself, or it was for me. Was it for you? I was having twice weekly visits to the mental health unit as an outpatient, then they were coming to my house weekly. How was I ever going to get past this? How, was I going to learn to be the new me? Was the old me dead forever, will she ever come back? Has this always been me? Why can’t I sleep? The never-ending questions didn’t seem to stop. I just wanted all the noise in my head to stop!! It was like a hundred people all trying to talk to me at once and I just couldn’t take it. So, my days where spent trapped (mentally) in my room or on the sofa (that was a good day!). Do you relate to any of this?
How am I still here?
Sometimes I am not totally sure, I have my low days, and often. But I have come so far. There will be times when I am low again, but I know now that there is another side. That even when all the balls are in the air at once, they do eventually come back down. I also know now there is a difference between being suicidal and suicidal thoughts. I know from painful experience what that difference is. But I am the latter now. Which no, isn’t easy, but for me is a huge step. I have achieved things these last few year I never thought I would. I even managed to quit excessive drinking AND totally quit smoking! What an achievement. To top it off in 2018 I co released a book that hit the top of the charts in Amazon top sellers list!! (see it here)
I found two things that to some seem small but to me are MAJOR game changers. And I use both DAILY in my quest to becoming stronger than the mind. Even more so I have now created my business to help others do the exact same and be that person I never had. Some one who gives it to you as raw and as real as it is. I have been in tears live in my Facebook group many times now. But I have also been hyper and laughing my head off. Life is all about balance after all!
Exercise! OMG really? I know, when the Dr first said to me, Nic, go take a walk it will help. I wanted to tell him to walk off a darn cliff! Haha! Me and exercise had never got along. I mean it is a chore right, that you just do when you aren’t happy with your body and you can be bothered for a week or so to try and change it? I have zero motivation to get out of bed, let alone get sweaty and there is no way on this earth you will get me in a gym! No, no, no, not happening not ever!
I am now one those fitness bunnies I used to look at in wonder and disbelief while eating my pizza (I still eat my pizza though haha). And boy when the Dr said ‘Nic trust me, exercise is the most underutilised anti-depressant’ well I can tell you hand on heart he was telling the truth! Read my blog here to find out in more detail about this…
But one part of my business is helping others like myself, realise just how imperative exercise is in the quest to becoming stronger than the mind. And I only went and qualified as a personal trainer didn’t I along the way. This was initially just for private use as I like to know everything about what I do. But now I use these skills to be the total reverse of a typical personal trainer!
My Second Crutch
So, we can’t walk with only one crutch, right? The next major player in my quest to becoming stronger than my mind is well, my mind! I know sounds easy right. Trust me, it isn’t. I myself qualified as a counsellor (feels like a life time ago now) and I know the importance of the mind and being aligned with it in a sense.
But what I have never investigated is actual mindset development. And I am going to be embarrassingly honest with you here ok? So, I am a major Peter Andre fan (I am a 90’s girl ok, he was huge in my day hehe). Anyway, I split up from my ex at the same time he left Katie Price. I watched his TV show once ‘The Next Chapter’ and he spoke to someone about the secret. I was left wondering what this secret was. I later heard a local news DJ, Mike Toolan, mention the same ‘secret’. I was like I need to know what this damn secret is my Peter and Mike Toolan talk of. I soon discovered it was a book. I bought it but never read it as it initially looked like utter nonsense to be honest with you. Then on one of those dark dark days I was willing do anything to escape my mind. So, I started to read the book! It was all about the law of attraction…(there is an entire course on what the law of attraction is and how to use it etc etc in my Membership Academy and you can find more details about it here).
How Can I Help You?
I now use both my crutches as the pillars of helping other people like myself with mental illnesses, to become stronger than their mind. My clients are those just like me, who felt let down and spat out by the NHS. Who felt that they needed to do more to combat the day to day symptoms of their mental illness.
I was too that girl feeling lonely, scared and having lost all hope. Is that you? Do you want someone who has been there and come out the other side?
Do you want someone who hasn’t just read the books and passed the exams but that has experienced it too?
Do you want to take an independent & proactive approach to tackling the day to day symptoms of your mental illness?
I help my clients to go from zero self-esteem and confidence to feeling like they have the motivation and the tools to be who they truly are.
I help my clients find their voice and how to speak to those closet to them in a way that will help them to understand exactly how you feel.
To see how I do this, join the support group by clicking the button below and be sure to check out the stronger than your mind academy here.
I know for a 100% fact that I wouldn’t be here without you and your workshops. I wouldn’t know there’s more likely underlying problems that I was unaware of.
People think that because you suffered a while ago that it just leaves you. But it doesn’t, it stays with you. It may not be on the surface like it was but it’s still there. I was on my own going through counselling, then I found your group and realised I was not on my own.